


15 Years

by Rumpelstiltskin_wait



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Family, Heros and Villains AU, I'm so sorry, Major Illness, rumbelle baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3437705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumpelstiltskin_wait/pseuds/Rumpelstiltskin_wait
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After banishing Rumple from Storybrooke, Belle finds out she's pregnant with his child. 15 years later, with the curse broken, Belle is battling cancer and her daughter, Jane, is looking for her father. When she finds him on a subway in New York, will she be able to convince him to return to Storybrooke, and can the three of them find a way to be a family?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that I got after listening to the song "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade. I was originally going to leave it a one-shot, but I got a few requests for another chapter, and it's turned into a lot more than I thought it would! I hope you enjoy!

Rumplestiltskin is sitting on the subway when he notices her.

There’s a girl sitting opposite him a few seats down. She's thin, _too thin,_ he thinks idly. Her dark auburn -painfully familiar- hair falls around her face shielding it from his view, and suddenly he stops breathing.

_No. Don't be stupid. It couldn't be._ He mentally scolds himself.

_It's been over 15 years, why would she ever come now?_

It had been 15 years and 6 months to be exact. He hates that he still counts, but not enough to stop.

_You complete idiot! It's not her. She would look different by now. Besides she doesn't lov-_

He was startled out of his thoughts by a quiet sob coming from the small figure as she pulled her knees to her chest. She was crying. Not just crying; she was _sobbing._ None of the few other passengers paid her any mind as her body was wracked with another sob. He couldn't stand it; that was just too familiar a sight for him to ignore. Rumplestiltskin gripped the curved handle of his cane just a little too tight as he made his way to the sobbing stranger.

_This is a bad idea._

He didn’t have to walk more than 10 feet, but his ankle was already throbbing when he cautiously sat a few feet away from the girl.

_This is such a bad idea._

He leans his cane between his knees, resting his hands on the wooden handle, worn smooth by years of constant use.

“uh..” He hesitated. He was hit with the memory of what Belle had told him so many years ago, “Heroes always help strangers”. He sighed deeply and turned towards the still sobbing girl. “Uh…are you…are you okay?” She raised her head toward him and he gasped. Sad cerulean eyes stared back at him. It wasn’t her, he realized with a pang of disappointment. It wasn’t Belle. Had he really thought it would be?

“No. N-not really.” She wiped tears on her sleeve, leaving black smears on her crème sweater from the small amount of black makeup surrounding her eyes. She looked exactly like what he would imagine Belle looked like as a teenager; thin and a bit lanky, but beautiful. When the girl shifted further away and eyed him suspiciously he realized he’d been staring at her.

“I uh…I’m sorry. You just look a lot like someone I used to know” his gaze shifted to the fingers that were anxiously turning the ring on his left hand.

He had never taken it off, 15 years and he couldn’t recall one time that he had taken it off. The first week in New York he had sold anything of any value, his gold cufflinks and tie clip, his silk tie, even his silk handkerchief had gotten him a small amount of money. Several pawnshops and antique stores had offered to buy the ring; the money probably would have done him well, but he couldn’t even bring himself to take his wedding ring off, let alone sell it.

“Do you mind me asking why you’re so upset?” He looked back up at the girl, awaiting an answer.

“I- no…no it’s fine.” She dropped her feet back to the ground and ran a shaky hand through her hair. “My mom is uh- she’s sick.” Her voice faltered at the last word and fresh tears threatened to fall, but she managed to compose herself enough to continue. “She needs-“ She paused, closing her eyes for a moment, looking for the right words. “I’m trying to find someone.”

This girl couldn’t be more than 15 or 16, and she was on a subway, alone, at night, telling a complete stranger about her sick mother. The parent in him kicked in.

“Did you run away?” He questioned. Her eyes widened with what could only be fear.

“Please don’t tell anyone- I-I have to find him. I can’t-I can’t let her die without-“ She sputtered, a frantic sob escaping her lips as she stared at him with wide, pleading eyes.

“Hey, hey it’s ok. I won’t tell anyone.” He reassured, trying to comfort her without actually touching her. “I had to find someone here once too.”

“R-really?” she had relaxed slightly, but she was still fighting the tears that weren’t relenting, and struggling to breathe steadily.

“Yes…a long time ago. And I recall that it was a lot easier to find who I was looking for when I had help.” He said, his lips turning up slightly. “What’s your name?”

“I...my name is Jane” She said warily.

If he was her he would be wary too, he wouldn’t expect anyone to trust him very quickly, after all. “That’s a lovely name” A smile found its way to his eyes. “Now, Jane. Who is it that you’re looking for? I may be able to help” He didn’t know if that was true, but he would certainly try. He had only known the girl for all of 10 minutes, but he felt a strange connection with her and for whatever reason, he didn’t want to let her down.

“I’m looking for my dad…He uhm-well I’ve never met him. But my mom misses him. Every day. I can tell... The way she talks about him…” She trailed off, gaze settling on the seat opposite her. “She needs to see him before- If she doesn’t get better I just wanted to-“ She was at a loss for words. “He needs to know.” She finally said with a long shaky sigh.

His heart ached for her. She had grown up without a father -not unlike his own son- and now she could possibly lose her mother. There was a long pause before she spoke again. “so…do you think you could help me…mister-“

"You can call me Mr. Gold” He said, answering her unspoken question. He turned to her and was surprised to see her staring at him with wide eyes. She spoke before he could question.

“ _What’s your first name?!_ ” She blurted, obviously more forcefully than she had meant to, a hand flung to cover her mouth.

“uhh- It’s just Mr. Gold.” He hadn’t meant to make it sound like a question, but now she was looking at him with an unreadable mixture of emotions. Fear? Sadness? _Hope?_ Yes there was definitely hope.

“My mom’s name is Belle. Belle Gold.” She looked at her hands for a beat, then back at him, checking for a response. And what a response it was.

It took a moment for him to process her words. Belle. Her mother’s name was Belle Gold. That could not be a coincidence.

His head was pounding as hard as his heart as it beat out of his chest. Tears were blurring his vision as he fought to keep them from his cheeks, and lump in his throat was preventing him from replying more than one word. ”Belle?” That was all Jane needed to hear.

“ _Rumplestiltskin?_ ” Tears were stinging her own eyes once again.

He couldn’t speak. He could hardly breathe. All he could do was nod. Nod and smile a tearful smile at the equally tearful girl in front of him.

“Rumplestiltskin… I believe I’m your daughter.”

He felt faint. So many thoughts crowded his mind, yet there were only two things he could focus on.

**He has a daughter.**

**And Belle is waiting for them to come home.**


	2. Chapter 2

**He has a daughter.**  
 **And Belle is waiting for them to come home.**

The moments immediately following their realization were spent in silence, apart from shaky breaths and the occasional sniffle. Rumples mind was spinning. There were so many things he wanted to ask her. About Belle, about herself, about their life; but he had to start somewhere.

“So…you’re my…my uh…” In his nearly 300 year he had amassed quite the vocabulary, and yet, he couldn’t find the word. _Offspring? Spawn? Progenitor?_

“ _Daughter?_ ” Was that a hint of snark?

“Right, yes…Daughter.” He hadn’t meant to flinch at the last part, he really hadn’t. But he certainly wasn’t expecting to find out he had a daughter on his way home from work.

“You don’t sound very happy about that,” Jane muttered, turning her gaze back to the seat across from her.

“No! No. I'm happy.” He paused, taking a deep breath and turning toward Jane. “But you have to understand this is a bit of a shock. Less than five minutes ago I found out I have…a _daughter_ ” This time he didn’t flinch at the word. Quite the contrary, he smiled. “I’m a father.” he breathed, not so much for Jane’s benefit as much as to convince himself. “You’re my daughter.” He smiled again, this time letting it reach his eyes, and cautiously covered her small hand with his larger one.

“Yeah…I am.” She smiled at their hands. Rumple jumped slightly when she let out a small chuckle, and looked up to see new tears forming in her eyes.

“Jane?”

“Sorry sorry…” she mumbled, hastily wiping her eyes –and her makeup- with the back of her free hand. “It’s just that when I was little I used to see other kids holding their dad’s hand…I always wondered what that was like.” A few more tears formed, but she didn’t wipe them away, instead she smiled and let them roll off her cheeks.

_Happy tears_ , he realized when she looked up from their hands and smiled again. Rumple looked down at his cane. He had missed watching his child grow up, again.

“I’m sorry. Gods I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t there I-” There was that lump in his throat again, threatening to stop him from saying what needed to be said, but he furrowed his brow and continued. “It’s my fault you grew up without a father. I wish I could have been there to hold your hand.” He closed his eyes to stop another wave of tears from breaking free.

“You didn’t even know I existed,” she reassured.

“Still…” his eyes were trained on his cane again, and he briefly imagined being able to incinerate the blasted thing with a burst of magic, but he quickly shook the thought from his mind.

_Don’t even think like that. Magic is what got me here in the first place. Magic is why I lost Be-_

Rumple was shaken from his thoughts as the subway –which he had at this point completely forgotten about- came to a halt.

“Oh.” Was all he said.

_Wait. She’s going to have to stay with me. Will she want to stay with me? I’m certainly not letting her go off into New York in the middle of the night!_

“Well…I guess I’m staying with you then?” Jane asked hopefully, breaking his train of thought.

_Is that weird? Should I have said that? What if he doesn’t want me to stay with him? I’ve only known him for like 10 minutes. I know he’s not dangerous but- Oh god this is conflicting._

“Only if you’re comfortable with it of course…I won’t have you wandering around New York in the middle of the night. If you don’t want to stay with me I’m sure we can find a motel room, or a hotel if you’d rather that, or-” He was babbling. _Since when does The Dark One babble?_ He thought bitterly. _I guess since he found out he has a daughter. Gods…I have a daughter._

“As long as you’re ok with it…I would really rather stay with you” Jane replied quietly. Silently, she hoped this would give them a chance to get to know each other a little before they went back to Storybrooke, if he would agree to come back at all. But that was just another subject for later, right now Rumplestiltskin was pulling himself from the plastic seat –with the help of his cane- and gesturing for her to do the same.

“Well, follow me then,” he declared with a miniscule smile.

\-----------------------

They must have walked in silence for at least a few minutes before Rumple stopped in front of a run-down apartment building. “I must warn you I haven’t had company in a long while. Or ever, come to think of it. And the place isn’t exactly homey, but there’s a couch you can sleep on…or I can sleep on the couch if you’d prefer to sleep in bed, or-” He cut himself off; he really needed to stop babbling. “You know what…I think I’ll just let you figure that out yourself,” he stated, continuing into the building and pulling a key out of his dress pants pocket.

Jane had only just registered that he was wearing a very worn looking four-piece suit, and the more she thought about it the sadder it made her.

Her mother had never refused to tell her about her father whenever she would ask –which was often- and the topic of how her father dressed had come up quite a few times.

Once when Jane was nearly six, Belle was helping her pick out clothes for school the next day and Jane had wondered aloud what her papa would have chosen. Belle, ever shielding her pain from her daughter, had only smiled and told Jane that she probably wouldn’t be comfortable in a suit and tie. Jane had only giggled at that, but still she wondered how her papa dressed.

The last time the topic came up had been over a year ago. Her mother had been having a particularly hard day and had gotten misty eyed at seeing Henry dressed in a suit for work at the pawn shop. Jane had noticed tears in his own eyes when Belle hugged him and said with a sad smile “Dressed impeccably, just like your grandpa.” Later, when Jane was sure her mother wasn’t going to burst into tears, she had asked why she was having such a rough day. Belle quietly explained that it would have been their 14th wedding anniversary. That seemed like a good reason, considering.

“And dad liked to wear suits…” Jane had started carefully, not knowing how far she should go.

“Mhm…yes. Almost never took them off actually! If you didn’t know better you’d think he slept in his waist-coat!” To Jane’s relief, her mother had laughed at the memory instead of crying again.

The man she saw now barely resembled the impeccably dressed, put together man her mother had described. His suit looked well worn, probably more than a few years old. His black leather shoes were scuffed to the point there was no shine left, and his almost completely gray hair looked in serious need of a trim. This man simply looked tired and worn. At first glance you would think he was worn by age, but his eyes told a different story. This man –her father, was worn by pain. Probably more pain than anyone should have to endure. She was completely absorbed in her thoughts when a gentle tug on her arm brought her back to earth.

“Is everything ok? You were miles away,” Rumple asked gently

“Oh. Sorry…yeah I’m fine. Just thinking.” She smiled, hoping he wouldn’t notice the touch of pity in her voice.

He gave her questioning look, and then turned back to the door they had stopped in front of.

“Well this is it…It’s not much, but it does the job,” he stated, swinging open the dark green door and stepping inside.

It really wasn’t much. The first thing she saw was what she guessed was supposed to be a living room. There was an old –but clean- couch facing nothing in particular, and a small bookshelf in the corner. _No TV_ , she noted. Looking around she saw a small kitchen with nothing more than a stove, a refrigerator, a microwave, and a sink, and at the other end of the room there was a door to what she figured was either a bedroom or a bathroom. There weren’t many trinkets or personal belongings that she could see, other than several books stacked in the bookshelf. He was right, it definitely wasn’t homey.

“What do you _do_?” She questioned, turning in a circle to face him again.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rumple gasped, and she almost thought he was genuinely offended until an amused grin spread across his face.

“I didn’t mean it like that...” she began, dropping her backpack near the couch and making her way towards the small bookshelf in the corner. “I just meant it really doesn’t look like anyone even lives here…I mean what do you for fun?” she continued, picking up one of the books and examining its cover.

“Fun?” Why did she want to know what he did for fun? Did he even do things for fun anymore?

“Yes fun. Everybody has to have fun!” She turned quickly to face him, book still in hand.

“Ehh…I read? I go to a museum sometimes…well I work at the museum. But I walk around it once in a while,” he was fidgeting with his ring again…why did this girl make him so uncomfortable!? _She’s so much like her mother._

He inwardly smiled at the memory of Belle in his castle, constantly wanting to know more about him, constantly rattling him with her constant nearness. Yes, it had made him uncomfortable, but he still cherished every moment of their time together in his castle, _their castle_. Well…the good moments anyway. Other moments he wished he could go back and change, but that didn’t matter now, because their daughter was standing in front of him and she wanted to get to know her father.

“Ooh, so I get my obsession with books from both sides huh?” she said, flipping to a random page of the musty old hard cover and running a finger over the words.

“Ha! No no, that’s definitely all your mother. I’m sure you know all about how much she loves her books,” he replied as he settled himself onto the old couch in the center of the room. Moments later Jane took a seat at the opposite end with the book she had been examining and a sad smile on her face.

“She does love her books…” She settled the book in her lap and began nervously picking at the edges as she continued. “She doesn’t make it into the library very much now…sometimes it’ll be weeks.”

Rumple didn’t know what to make of that. Before, Belle wouldn’t have gone more than two days without checking on the library and bringing home a new book! What possibly could have changed that she would go weeks without a new book?

And that’s when he remembered.

Before any of this happened, when Jane was just a lost girl sitting on the subway, she had told him her mother was sick. Her mother was dying.

**And her mother was Belle.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Rumple discuss Belles illness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope all the medical stuff in this chapter is as accurate as possible. I did quite a bit of research and tried to keep everything as true to real life as possible, but if you notice anything wrong please feel free to correct me.

Rumple didn’t know how long they sat in silence, his mind racing, before he was finally able to ask about Belle. He was afraid to say anything, knowing he wouldn’t like what he was going to hear.

On the subway, Jane had said her mother was dying. He didn’t want to hear that. He didn’t want that to be true. But Jane had said it herself before she even knew who he was, “He needs to know.” So he sat, and he listened, and he stopped trying to fight the tears that were pouring down his cheeks as his daughter explained why her mother, and his true love, was dy-…unwell.

Through the heavy fog clouding his mind, and the low ringing in his ears, he was able to get the gist of what he was hearing. Judging by the ease with which Jane spoke, it was obvious she had said the same words too many times to count. Rumple didn’t understand most of her seemingly extensive medical vocabulary, but he understood enough.

Jane slowly explained that a little less than a year ago, after almost a month of extreme pain in her left leg and three doctors telling her it was nothing, Belle finally found a doctor that was willing to listen to her concerns. She was sent for x-rays the same day, and they showed exactly what this doctor suspected. The bones of her left leg were being attacked by a rare form of bone cancer called Osteosarcoma. After another slew of tests, and agonizingly waiting for the results of said tests, she was told that it was “localized” and it could be removed; but of course it wouldn’t be that easy, and soon after her diagnosis, Belle was started on chemotherapy –an extra precaution before surgery.

“It was so bad…” Jane said, shaking her head as she stared at the book in her lap, tracing the twisted vines of gold-leaf with the tip of her finger. “You probably already know, but mom never got sick…I can only remember like two times I’d seen her throw up from the flu.”

Rumple nodded and looked down at his hands, remembering the one time in all of their years together that he had seen Belle sick.

She had gotten food poisoning from that ridiculous little hole-in-the-wall Italian place that no one in Storybrooke ever seemed to go to. He had sat with her on the floor of their bathroom and held her hair as she emptied her stomach into the toilet. The sight of her in such discomfort and knowing he would have to let it run its course had felt like a punch to the gut, but he’d tended to her as best he could until she was well again. _That must have been the reason no one ate there,_ Rumple mused, before looking back to Jane for her to continue.

“After she started the chemo…God…I’d never seen her like that. She was sick every day. She started losing her hair. She was so weak...She just looked _defeated._ I’ve seen a lot of crazy things, but nothing ever scared me more than that.” She looked up at Rumple then, who was staring at his hands, tears flowing freely from his eyes and dripping into his upturned palms.

“It’s my fault,” He breathed, closing his eyes. “If I’d have come back…If I wasn’t such a coward, maybe I could have stopped it…saved her.”

“No…you couldn’t have stopped it; we tried. The price would have been too much, she wouldn’t let us.” Rumple let out a kind of strangled chuckle at that.

“Of course she wouldn’t…stubborn woman.” He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath, composing himself, before his brows knit and he turned his attention back to Jane. “What do you mean “we”? Who exactly is “we”?” he questioned

“Ah yeah…that would be Emma and…me.” She practically whispered the last word, worrying her bottom lip as she waited for his response to yet more unexpected news.

“You…You have magic?” he said leaning closer, nearly choking on his shock

“Well not right now obviously…”land without magic” and all…but being the product of true love happens to come with some pretty great light magic,” Jane replied with just a hint of mirth, wiggling her fingers out in front of her.

“You’ll have to tell me about that later,” Rumple smirked. “But right now, Belle.” he said, his face sobering again.

“Right…” Jane mumbled, toying with the edges of the book again. “Well…she went through chemo for 2 months. Then they did a surgery that was supposed to remove the cancerous part of the bone, but after that and another six months of chemo, and they found more cancer in the tissue around the bone…” She paused, looking to Rumple to take gauge his reaction so far.

“ _Go on…_ ” he urged, running a hand through his hair, attempting in vain to calm the anxiety clawing at him from the inside out.

“You aren’t going to like what I’m about to tell you…” Jane warned, her expression serious, as if she was giving him a choice.

But he didn’t have a choice, and even if he did, he’d choose Belle. God knows he should have done that long ago.

“Dearie, I haven’t _liked_ anything you’ve told me so far…” He paused for a moment, breathing in and out through his nose. ”Jane…I need to know.”

Jane sighed deeply, and turned her gaze once again to the gold-leaf edges of the book in her lap.

“After…after they found more cancer…they told us they would continue chemo, but there was no guarantee that it would work…so she made the hard choice.” Rumple noticed that she took an overly deep, slow breath through her nose, obviously steeling herself for whatever she was about to say. So he braced himself as best he could, for the absolute worst.

“She…she decided to have her leg…amputated. That was a month ago.” Jane sighed, as though some great weight had been lifted.

“What…” Rumple blinked.

“She had her leg amputated. Removed. Cut off. It’s gone,” Jane said, a hint of an annoyed tone creeping its way into her otherwise calm voice.

“That’s it?”

“What do you mean ‘ _That’s it_ ’?! She lost her leg! That’s kind of a huge deal!” Jane snapped, standing from her seat on the couch.

“Jane…” Rumple said softly, rising from his seat to stand next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Do you honestly think I place the value of a _leg_ above that of a _life?_ Above the life of the woman I love? Jane as long as your mother is alive I wouldn’t care if she had no arms or legs, or grew a tail, as long as she’s alive.” He added with a small smile, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze before releasing it.

“So you do love her?” Jane asked, her voice just above a whisper.

“Gods, of course I love her!” Rumple responded, flopping back down on the couch. “I never stopped loving her…”

“Then you’ll come back with me? To Storybrooke?” Jane asked carefully.

Rumple visibly tensed at that. “I don’t know if I sho-“

“You should. You love her and she loves you. All you have to do is come back with me…”

“It’s not that simple…The last time we saw each other…” Rumple trailed off, running a hand down his face. “I doubt she wants to see me…”

Jane _scoffed..._ and rolled her eyes.

_I know where she got that_ , Rumple mused, almost smirking at the thought.

“You know Aunt Ruby right?” Jane asked, arms crossed, staring down at Rumple.

“ _Aunt Ruby?_ ”

She rolled her eyes again.

“Do you know Ruby or not?”

“Yes…Belle and Ruby were very close. I’m guessing they still are if you call her ‘Aunt Ruby’.” Rumple shrugged, “But what does she have to do with this?”

“Well…right before my mom’s surgery –the amputation- I overheard her talking to Ruby.”

 

\-----------------------------------------

***One month ago in Storybrooke***

 

“Ruby, I’m so scared,” Belle breathed, gripping her friends hand tighter.

“I know…listen, honey, everything is going to go fine. Dr. Stevenson has done the same surgery a dozen times; he knows what he’s doing,” Ruby assured, laying herself next to Belle on the wide hospital bed and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah…I know. And I want this; I know this is the best choice. It’s not that, it’s just…never mind, it’s ridiculous,” Belle replied, snuggling closer to rest her head on Ruby’s shoulder.

“Belle you know you can tell me anything. What’s going on?” Ruby said, leaning forward and turning to look at her friend.

“I know I shouldn’t still feel like this…I know I shouldn’t miss him…” Belle began.

Ruby nodded slowly, her mouth forming an “O” shape.

Neither of the women had heard Jane arrive at the doorway a few minutes ago, and when she heard what her mother said, Jane was quick to hide herself. She knew she shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but she couldn’t find it in herself to move once her mother spoke again.

“I just wish…I just wish Rumple was here, Ruby. And I know I shouldn’t. I know I have you and Jane, and even Emma and Snow have been so wonderful to me…” Belle began, her voice starting to waver. “I just _need him._ ” she whimpered, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks.

Ruby gently pulled Belle into a hug, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “It’s okay to miss him. True love doesn’t just go away. You can’t just stop feeling it…even if you want to.” She sighed, briefly reminded of her own true love.

Belle sniffed and wiped under her eyes again, pulling out of the embrace and sitting back in the bed. “You know what the worst part is though? The worst part is that I remember every part of him. I remember how he smelled, how he walked. Ruby I even remember how he brushed his teeth; that’s ridiculous.” Ruby took Belle’s hand again, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You know, Belle…you could find him. After all this is over, you could go find him. Hell, I’d even come with you if you want,” Ruby suggested with a hopeful smile.

“No. _No._ He could be anywhere Ruby! It’s been fifteen years! And even if by some insane circumstance I did find him, there’s no way he would still love me. Ruby you know what I did! I’m the reason he’s gone! And Jane! I’m the reason he doesn’t know his own daughter! How would he ever forgive me for that!?” Belle cried, slumping down on the pillows behind her.

“You know exactly where he would go. New York’s not that far…and I may not be the guy’s biggest fan, but I know he could never stop loving you. I’ve never seen anyone look at someone the way he looked at you.”

Maybe Ruby was right. Maybe Rumple was in New York, and maybe he did still love her. But Belle couldn’t afford to think like that. In her mind there was a good chance he didn’t love her, and that kind of heartbreak was not something that she wanted to go through again.

\-----------------------------------------

At some point during her story, Jane had sat back down on the other end of the couch, again fingering the gold edges while she spoke. When she finished she looked back up at Rumple, who was leaned over, elbows on his knees, staring at his feet with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Well? Believe me now?” Jane asked, leaning forward to try to catch his attention. He still said nothing. “Rumplestiltskin? Did you hear any of that?” Jane questioned, letting her hands fall heavily on the book on her knees. Still he wordlessly stared at his feet. “ _Hellooo?..._ DAD!” Jane shouted, waving her hand in front of his eyes. He lifted his head –finally- and blinked at her. “Were you listening to anything I just said?” Jane exclaimed.

“Sorry-sorry yes…I just…I just needed to clear my head for a moment,” Rumple responded quickly. “I don’t understand…after everything I did, how she can still love me? How can she think that I would stop loving her?”

Suddenly the sound music filled his small apartment, stopping him from continuing.

_“I lost my head in San Francisco- Waiting for the fog to roll out- But I found it in a rain cloud- it was smiling down”_

Jane rushed over to where her backpack was, unzipping a pocket and pulling out her ringing smartphone.

“Well why don’t you ask her?” she said, showing him the device.

Confused, Rumple leaned forward and squinted at the glowing screen, gasping at what he saw.

The photo staring back at him was of a woman, she was smiling despite the dullness of her blue eyes, her face was pale and thin, she was wearing a colorful scarf wrapped around her head, and he immediately recognized her. The words above the photo confirming what he already knew.

**Mom Calling.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOoooo! What are they gonna do!?   
> (Btw, the song that Jane has as Belles ringtone, is called "San Francisco" by The Mowglis, and it's just a really upbeat song that for some reason reminds me of Belle lol)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle figures out that Jane has runaway, and calls her to find out where she's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place earlier the day Jane ran away.

Belle woke with a start from another particularly unpleasant dream. Groggy from her abruptly ended sleep, she turned her head to check the time. _9:45._

Letting her head sink back into her pillow, she tried to steady her breathing and calm the panic that came along with these kinds of dreams.

The dreams were no doubt a side-effect of one of the drugs she had been on since the surgery. While they seemed to be occurring less and less, when she did have one it was always worse than the last, and they were almost always about Jane.

This time they were at the town line. Jane was walking slowly toward it, and as hard as she tried, Belle couldn’t call out to her. When she tried to reach out for her daughter, Jane only drifted father away. Belle tried to run to Jane, but she simply collapsed, unable to move as her daughter melted away into the blue glow of the invisible wall cursing the town-line.

Belle shuddered at the memory of the dream, and the memory that caused the dream.

Of course, she didn’t need to worry about the town-line anymore. The curse had been broken years ago, allowing the people of StoryBrooke to come and go safely, while still hiding the town from the outside world and the danger of strangers wandering into their magical little town.

There were still dangers though; wherever there’s magic there will always be dangers. These dangers, however, paled in comparison to what Storybrooke had seen before- Well it was probably a coincidence that they lessened after… Yes it was definitely a coincidence.

At any rate, Jane wasn’t in danger. So Belle shook off the unpleasant feelings left by the dream, and sat up, attempting to wake up enough to get out of bed. Jane would have gone to school hours ago, but Ruby would be coming over any minute, so at least she didn’t have to face an empty house after her nightmare.

 

She and Ruby had always been close, but after she found out she was pregnant they grew even closer; as strange as it sounded, Ruby had taken on the role of best friend, sister, and mother all at the same time. She went to all the doctor’s appointments, all the ultrasounds, had soothed all the raging hormones, had helped with all the shopping –helped was an understatement. She had practically designed the nursery herself-, and of course, she had been there when Jane entered the world. Ruby had gone through it all with Belle, so it was only fitting that she would do the exact same thing when Belle got sick. Ruby had been through hell with her, and there was comfort in knowing she wouldn’t be going anywhere.

As if on cue, before Belle had even reached for her crutches, she heard the telltale sound of keys rattling at the front door, followed by a loud “Morning!” from her friend. Moments later her bedroom door swung open and in rushed a very bundled up Ruby.

“You’re still in bed?! Are you okay?! You must not be okay if I was up before you,” Ruby teased, shedding her gloves, hat, and scarf, shoving them in the pockets of her coat -which was immediately deposited on top of Belle’s dresser- before running into the adjoined bathroom. “Just a sec , I had like 600 cups of coffee this morning and I haven’t peed since I left home!” she shouted from the bathroom.

“Oh _GOD._ What has this world come to!? Ruby Lucas is awake before Belle Gold!?” Belle cried dramatically, throwing her arms in the air, and throwing the comforter off her torso in the process.

“Oh shut up!” Ruby called from the bathroom, causing Belle to roll her eyes and snort at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Gods how long are you going to be in there? Did you literally have 600 cups of coffee?” Belle murmured, reaching for the crutches that were leaned against the wall just out of reach. _Of course,_ she thought bitterly when the crutches promptly fell in the opposite direction the moment she touched them. She cursed under her breath and swung her leg over the edge of the bed, using the night table as leverage to pull herself up.

Hopping on her good leg ( _Only leg_ …she forgot that sometimes), she slowly made her way around to where her crutches lay on the ground. Now she couldn’t very well bend over and pick them up, so she tried squatting down, one hand still holding tightly to the edge of the night table-

“ _What_ … are you doing?” Ruby said flatly, startling Belle at how close she had managed to get without a sound.

_Shit._

“I was just getting my crutches…they fell,” Belle replied just as flatly.

Ruby sighed... Gods she hated it when Ruby sighed like that.

“Belle…I know you want to do things on your own but yo-“

“ _I know._ I can’t,” Belle grumbled as she stood –with the help of Ruby’s arm looped through hers.

After Belle was standing, still using the night table as support, Ruby bent and retrieved the crutches, much to the quiet annoyance of Belle.

“I hate this,” Belle said quietly, taking the crutches from Ruby.

“I know. But hey-” Ruby started, putting her hand gently on Belle’s arm. “It won’t be for much longer! You know Emma and Geppetto have been working on your prosthetic,” she continued, giving Belle’s arm a squeeze.

Emma and Geppetto had been working on a prosthetic since before her leg was even removed, taking measurements and photographs of the leg from all angles for reference. Geppetto was crafting the leg itself from wood, carving and sanding until it near perfectly resembled the shape of her real leg, and Emma was enchanting it to move more life-like than a simple wooden leg. That _did_ make Belle feel better.

“Emma even said she’d make sure you’d be able to wear heels again! After some practice of course…but still!”

Ruby’s constantly hopeful mood had gotten Belle out of countless funks, and it was working its magic right now.

“You’re right…” Belle smiled, “And I know it’s okay to need help… I just hate feeling so helpless. I just want to _do things,_ ” she sighed.

“Well…I was thinking we’d go tomorrow. But I think it’ll be the perfect thing to make you feel better today,” Ruby said, grinning wildly. “Get dressed! We’re going to the library!”

 

Going to the library was an amazing idea. Belle hadn’t been in weeks, and she had already read every book Jane brought home; twice.

Although Belle’s spirits had drooped for a second time that morning when she needed Ruby’s help to get into her dress, they were immediately renewed once she stepped foot in the library. The scent of a library was something that would never fail to lift Belles spirits, and Ruby knew this.

With a grin, Ruby pulled the oldest looking book she could find from the nearest shelf, flipping to the middle and thrusting it into Belles face. “Sniff!” she insisted.

Belle giggled and breathed deeply, letting the heavy scent of must and what she had always thought of as the scent of knowledge, fill her nostrils.

_Maybe today won’t be too bad after all,_ She thought, letting her small grin turn into a full smile.

 

The trip to the library was a success. Belle felt better than she had in days –despite being quite tired from the extra exertion, she had a new stack of books to conquer, and on top of that, Emma had just called to tell her that she would be able to test her prosthetic as early as tomorrow morning. It was shaping up to be a great day.

By the time 4 o’clock rolled around, Belle was half-way through some out of date book on the workings of cinematography and Ruby was getting ready to go home when Belle’s phone lit up with a text from Jane.

_**I’m gonna spend the night at Alex’s tonight. We have a group project this week that we need to work on. That ok?** _

Belle absolutely did _not_ buy that excuse.

If there was a group project, she would have heard about it; and she hadn’t. Belle wasn’t really even sure _why_ Jane would need to make up an excuse to spend the night with her best friend, but she deserved a night away once in a while; Alex’s house was practically a second home for Jane anyway.

_**Yes that’s fine. Have fun baby girl. Love you <3** _

“Hey Ruby?” Belle called once she had sent her reply. “What do you think about an impromptu girl’s night in?”

 

Four hours, three containers of take out, and two movies later, both women were sprawled out on Belle’s bed. They had lost interest in the third movie half an hour ago, instead discussing the events of the next day.

Ruby would come by at 10:30 to take both Jane and herself to Geppetto’s shop. The fitting would likely take around an hour, and they would all go to lunch afterwards. Jane would have to skip school, but Belle had a feeling her daughter wouldn’t mind that one bit.

_Oh!_

Suddenly Belle realized Jane would have to actually _know_ about these plans if she was going to come.

“Crap! I need to tell Jane to come home in the morning,” Belle said, grabbing her phone and typing out a quick text explaining tomorrow’s plans to her daughter.

Minutes passed, then half an hour, and still no response from Jane.

Belle _knew_ the girls weren’t asleep. It wasn’t even 9 o’clock! Which meant that Jane was either ignoring her or hadn’t seen the text. Either way, Belle wanted Jane to come with her tomorrow, so she needed to make sure she would be home before 10:30.

Picking up her phone again, Belle dialed Ella’s phone number, and after a few rings, she picked up.

“Hey it’s Belle. I didn’t wake you up did I?”

“Oh no it’s perfectly fine! Thomas and I were just finishing a movie. What did you need?”

“Could you just let Jane know I need her to be home before 10:30 tomorrow? I’m getting a prosthetic fitted and I want her to be there with me.” Belle smiled at the thought of finally being able to do things with her daughter. They could go for morning hikes like they used too, or walk to get ice cream. Just walking in general sounded amazing, but she was yanked out of her thoughts by Ella’s voice.

“Jane isn’t here.”

“It’s a little late for the girls to be going out by themselves don’t you think?” She was almost annoyed with Ella for letting her daughter leave the house at this time of night without asking her first.

Storybrooke may be a small town, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe for 15 year old girls to be walking around at night alone.

“No, Belle, Jane hasn’t been over tonight. Alex is sitting right here.” Ella’s worried tone nearly sent Belle into a panic.

“Can I talk to Alex?”

She heard a bit of rustling, and Ella’s muffled voice telling Alex that Jane’s mom wanted to talk to her. Ella still sounded worried, which only spurred on Belle’s panic.

“Hey Mrs. Gold. What’s going on? Is Jane okay?”

Belle felt her stomach tighten and her toes and finger numb, signs of an oncoming panic attack. That would definitely not be helpful in this situation. Ruby must have noticed because she squeezed her arm, a concerned look on her face, and mouthed _what’s going on?_

“Alex, Jane said she was coming to your house tonight to work on a group project.”

“We don’t have a group project.” _-She knew it-_ “And Jane’s not here.”

Suddenly she felt light headed; the panic was worsening by the second, and it must have been showing on her face, because Ruby looked even more concerned.  
“Alex...do you have any idea where she could be?”

“No, I’m really sorry Mrs. Gold. Jane didn’t tell me if she was going anywhere.”

Belle knew the girl wouldn’t lie to her, especially when it came to the whereabouts of Jane. “Ok. Thank you Alex.”

“Wait! Belle, can you please tell me if you find her?”

Alex rarely used Belle’s first name –even though she insisted that something as formal as “Mrs. Gold” wasn’t necessary-. She was obviously worried. 

“I will. I’ll tell you as soon as I know anything.” And with that she hung up.

Belle turned to Ruby, the panic evident on her face. “Ruby, Jane _lied to me._ She’s not at Alex’s! She’s not answering my texts! She could be in trouble! Or hurt!”

“Belle! _Breathe._ You have to breathe like Archie showed you okay?” Ruby said as calmly as possible, bringing herself to sit cross legged in front of Belle. “Remember how Archie showed you? Breathe with your belly. Just breathe.” Ruby soothed, rubbing her hands up and down Belles arms.

Once Belle was breathing normally Ruby spoke again. “How about you try calling her?”

_That probably would have been a good idea 10 minutes ago._

“O-ok. You’re right. It’s probably nothing. She probably just went to Granny’s with Phillip or something. I just need to call her.” She took a long, deep, calming breath, before picking up her phone for the third time and dialing her daughter’s phone number.

And it just. Kept. Ringing.

It was nearly unbearable.

 

**************

 

“Answer it!” Jane cried, thrusting the phone into Rumple’s face again.

“No! She’s calling _you!_ Remember she doesn’t even know you’re here?! Or that you’re with _me?!_ ” Rumple nearly shouted, jumping –or as close as he could get to jumping with his leg- from the couch and pacing in front of it.

Belle was calling their daughter. Their daughter was standing in his living room. He has a daughter. Who is currently standing in his living room. Being called by Belle. Who is the mother of his daughter.   
_This has to be a dream._

But it wasn’t a dream, and he knew that, and the phone was still ringing.

“Jane you have to answer it. You have to tell her where you are. She must be worried sick!”

Jane shot him and glare and made some kind of grumble of annoyance, then brought the phone to her ear.

And the ringing stopped, and he momentarily thought about the fact that Belle was on the other side of that phone, and according to Jane, she missed him. But he shook the thought from his mind, he couldn’t let himself think like that; he couldn’t let himself believe that she could still love him.

That stopped though, when he heard the muffled sound of Belle’s voice coming from Jane’s phone. She sounded desperate, hysterical almost. And all he wanted to do in that moment was go to her. Go to her and hold her and comfort her, tell her everything would be fine; just like he had done so many nights, so many years ago, when nightmares would plague her sleep and leave her sobbing into his chest.

He wasn’t listening to the words being said, no, he couldn’t focus on anything but the sound of Belle’s voice. He could tell Jane was telling her where she was, who she was with, but he still only heard Belle’s voice.

Fifteen years. It had been _fifteen years_ since he heard that voice. The voice that echoed in his mind every second of day, the voice that haunted his dreams…and his nightmares.

But it was also the voice that had spoken sweetly in his ear in the dead of night, the voice that had moaned his name when they made love, the voice that told the silliest jokes that had never failed to make him laugh.

He knew then, what he had to do. No matter how hard a part of him fought, no matter how much he wanted to run, this was his chance.

Twice he had the chance to choose Belle, and both times he lost her. This time would be different; it had to be.

Suddenly he was pulled from the abyss of his thoughts, a hand on his shoulder yanking him into the present.

“Rumplestiltskin?” Jane began gently.

He focused his vision, she was still holding the phone to her ear, and he realized that he had stopped pacing and was now standing idle in the middle of his living room.

“Hey, you in there?” she continued a bit louder, but still gentle.

He couldn’t speak, only nod and try desperately to listen to her words.

“Listen…My mom wants to talk to you okay? Can you talk to her for just a minute?” Jane asked softly, as if talking to a frightened animal. And he supposed he wasn’t acting much different than one at the moment.

But he had to push his fear aside, because Belle wanted to talk to him. He was about to talk to Belle for the first time in fifteen years. And he had no idea what he was going to say. So he just prayed to every god he didn’t believe in for strength, and brought the phone to his ear.

It was a good thing Jane told her mother that she was handing him the phone, because he was completely silent.

“Rumplestiltskin?”

Chills ran through every inch of his body at hearing her voice so clearly.

“Rumplestiltskin are you there?”

He wasn’t sure what did it, maybe the gods, maybe sheer willpower, but he somehow choked out a broken “Yes.”

“You listen to me. You are going to get my daughter home safely. _Our daughter._ Got it?” Belle said with feigned confidence and crumbling composure.

“Y-yes…Yes of course,” he breathed, hoping that she heard him, or that he even spoke out loud.

“Good then.” Her voice was quieter now, the tiny shred of confidence gone. “I guess…I guess I’ll see you both when you get here then.” Her voice broke at the end, and he briefly pictured her, tears beginning to breach her eyes; he knew that look well.

“Yeah…”

What else was he supposed to say? _I’m still in love with you. I forgive you. I choose you._ _Please forgive me?_ No. He couldn’t say any of that. That could wait until he could look into her eyes.

“I’m going to go…Rumple… _take care of our daughter._ ”

He could hear the strain in her voice, the fear, and it struck him like a blow to the chest.

Then somehow he gathered enough strength, and the moment before she hung up, he spoke.

“Belle wait…” he sputtered. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to say, he just needed to hear her voice a little longer. “I…It was nice to hear your voice again.”

She said nothing, and for a moment he panicked. Was that too much? Too far?

“It was nice to hear your voice too, Rumple.” And then there was a beep, and she was gone.

He inwardly smiled and his chest bubbled with hope.

**_Maybe this could work._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter did not want to be written, but it turned out being longer than any previous chapters, and I think my favorite chapter so far!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little warning, there's a bit of a mature scene in this chapter. It isn't super graphic, but there are mentions and slight descriptions of sex.

“At least that’s out of the way,” Jane shrugged, taking her phone back from Rumples lightly shaking hands. 

Rumple seemed to be in a trance like state after the phone call, and she couldn’t blame him really. She could only imagine what the whole ordeal must be like for him. Well, she had some insight into what he was feeling. But finding your father, and finding out you’re a father and talking to your true love for the first time in fifteen years, well those are two very different situations. 

“Well…I’m uh, actually pretty tired,” Jane said, standing awkwardly near the end of the couch. Briefly, she wondered if he’d actually heard her, but the moment before she was about to repeat herself, he seemed to snap out of whatever had him so deep in thought.

“Oh. Right, yes. You can have the bedroom. It’s right at the end of the hall,” Rumple muttered, his gaze locked on his hands tightly gripping the handle of his cane. He gestured towards the hallway on the other side of the room. 

Of course he would offer her the bed, what kind of a gentleman -or father for that matter- would he look like if he didn’t? That, and the fact that he knew he wouldn’t get a moment of rest no matter where he slept, meant that the couch would be his bed tonight. 

“You’re sure?” Jane asked, eyeing his bad leg. “I don’t want to banish you to the couch if it’s gonna be too-“ She stopped short of finishing her thought when Rumple visibly flinched, and she realized why. “Oh. Wow, bad choice of words. Sorry…I know that’s an uh...a sore subject.”

Rumple shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably, loosening and tightening the white-knuckle grip on his cane. “Your mother told you…about us. About what happened?” It wasn’t a question really, she obviously knew, which meant she knew what drove her mother to banishing him. 

“Once I was old enough to wonder where my dad was, she told me,” Jane said, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. 

“So you know why she did it. You know what I did, and yet you choose to stay in my home. In the home of a monster.” He couldn’t look at her. When he looked at Jane he saw Belle, and he feared that if he looked into her eyes when she answered, he would see the same pain and hurt and disappointment that he had caused in her mother’s. 

 “You’re not a monster,” Jane stated firmly, dropping her backpack and taking a step closer. “And I know how many times my mom had to tell you that, because she told me. And she told me what you did, and yes, what you did may have been…monstrous. But she also told me about the good times, before things got bad; she told me everything. And I’m telling you right now that the man that she told me about may have done monstrous things, but he wasn’t a monster.” 

Rumple stood shocked, slack jawed, and wide eyed, staring at the remarkable young woman in front of him. This girl who a few hours ago, was just another passenger on the subway, and had now become so incredibly dear to him. He was poised to reply, but it died on his lips, and he quickly pressed his mouth into a firm line.

“And don’t even think about saying something stupid like _“I’m just a villain and villains don’t get happy endings”_ , because that’s crap,” Jane said sharply, imitating his accent.  

Her impersonation was laughable really, and had the circumstances been any different he probably would have laughed, but this time he only blinked at her until she placed a gentle hand on his arm and said “You’re not a monster. Monsters don’t love the way you loved her.” 

At his silence, Jane dropped her hand to her side with a defeated sigh and picked up her bag again, turning and making her way toward the hall. 

“Love,” Rumple piped up, before she made it out of sight, causing to her turn and quirk her brow. “The way I love her,” he clarified with a hint of a smile.  
Jane smiled brightly and wished him a good night before disappearing down the hall.  
  
  
Rumple did little more than stare at the ceiling that night –or morning, rather. He tried to close his eyes and sleep, but every time he did, that photo of Belle, thin and pale, forced itself into his mind.

He had done that to her.

Jane could reassure him all she wanted but there was no way he would ever believe otherwise. It was his fault. Had he went back, had he put her first, had he told her the truth in the first place…none of this would be happening. He could have healed her before the sickness overwhelmed her body, and he would have; no matter the cost. He didn’t have that choice now though; it was too late for that. But maybe he would have another chance at making the right choice. 

So, with thoughts of second chances and happy endings, he drifted off, oblivious to the fact that miles and miles away, his true love was lying awake.  
   
*******  
  
Belle couldn’t have gone to sleep if she tried, and tried she had. 

She turned on her side in her large bed, and stared at the clock. It was nearly 3 o’clock in the morning. 

After the phone call, Ruby had insisted on staying with her, and she had stayed awake talking to Belle about the situation for a few hours before falling asleep next to her. Belle wished she were so lucky. 

Had she really been lying awake for over two hours?  
She supposed that wasn’t surprising, given the circumstances. Rumple was coming back, and the conflicting waves of emotion washing over her were keeping her wide awake. She should have been happy, she knew. And she was happy, in a strange anxious way, but she was also terrified. Not of him hurting her, Rumple would never, but of what him returning meant. After all those years, after what she had done, how would he react to seeing her again? Would he forgive her? Would he want to repair the happiness they had, once upon a time? Or would he hate her for it all, for everything she took from him? 

The very real possibility of the latter is what terrified her the most.  

She wouldn’t blame him if he did hate her. She had banished him, left him crippled and powerless with nothing but the clothes on his back. But so much worse than that, she kept his child from him. 

She could have gone out and found him. She could have searched far and wide to find him and bring him home and let him at least be a part of his daughter’s life, if not a part of hers. But she didn’t, and for years she wasn’t exactly sure why that was. 

At first she had told herself that it was better, that she was doing the right thing. She had rationalized that it was for her child’s safety that she didn’t search for him, and that had made sense in the beginning, that was good enough for a while. But it didn’t take long for her mindset to change. 

Rumplestiltskin would have never hurt his own child for any reason. No matter his motivations, she knew that to be true; she didn’t know why she would ever doubt that.  But she still didn’t search for him. She still stayed in Storybrooke.  
Why? That was the question that haunted her. Why did I keep him from knowing his daughter?

She knew now. And the answer didn’t soothe her. There was no reasonable explanation or perfect excuse. No.  
It was cowardice.  
It was selfishness.  
  
First it had been fear that kept her from going after him. Fear of being broken again. Fear of being lied to and tricked again. That was reasonable, she knew, but still, doubt nagged at her. Yes, what he had done was horrible, but did she know why he did what he did? She hadn’t even let him explain. Maybe if she had, she wouldn’t have banished him. Maybe she could have helped him…and she hadn’t given him the chance. But she supposed that giving him another chance would have been making it too easy, letting him get away with everything…and that wouldn’t have been the right choice either. 

Belle realized that maybe there wasn’t a “right choice”. She had done what she had thought best at the time, and then she regretted it. How could she know if she wouldn’t also regret a different decision?  The choice had been made, there was nothing she could do to change it, and she made peace with that. But after much time and much thought, she wondered if he had learned his lesson. Wondered if she found him, would he understand why she did what she did, and try to be a better man? 

She knew he would; if not for her, for their child. But by the time she came to this conclusion, she was heavily pregnant, and there was no way anyone in Storybrooke –especially Ruby- would have let her go on a trek into an unknown world to find a man that at that point could have been anywhere. 

Then Jane was born, and everything changed, and once again she was given another excuse –albeit a reasonable one- not to go after Rumple. She had an infant that needed care, and a steady home, and constant attention, not an adventure to God knows where. So instead, Belle waited, and hoped that Rumple would come walking across the town line and back into her life, and they could work things out and everything would be okay again.  
It was a pretty dream.

By the time Jane was old enough that Belle again had a chance at leaving Storybrooke for her search, they had both gotten into the routine of this new life. She didn’t forget about Rumple, she thought of him always, but Jane brought her such immense indescribable happiness and love, that a part of the void he left was filled. And so, Belle took the easiest route. The route she knew to be cowardly. 

Because if she was to find Rumple then, with a baby on her hip, with his baby on her hip, how would he have ever forgiven her?  How could he look at her and not hate her for keeping his baby from him?

So she didn’t search. She stayed. And she convinced herself that there are no “right” or “wrong” choices in life.  
There are only choices; choices that have different outcomes, and different effects. Choices that are complicated and hard to decide upon, choices that you ultimately come to regret.  
And it was just another choice.   
  
The next time Belle looked at the clock it was 5 am. 

Jane and Rumple would be waking up in a few hours…and then –hopefully- they would be on their way home.     
  
*********  
  
Rumple had already been awake for hours preparing for their journey by the time Jane came groggily stumbling into the kitchen. 

“Coffee or tea?” Rumple asked when she took a seat on the only stool at his kitchen counter

“Coffee pleas-“ she answered, cut short by a long yawn. 

As Rumple poured his daughter her morning coffee he thought about how happy this scene made him. It felt natural. To wake up and know she’s in the other room, to say good morning when she wakes up, to pour her coffee while she sits half-awake in the kitchen. Even having only just met her, having her with him, it just felt right. Like that’s how it always was. Like how a family is supposed to be; almost.  
But Belle wasn’t there. 

“Milk and sugar?” he asked

“Both. Lots please.”  
Just like her mother, more milk and sugar than coffee. 

As he poured the milk he thought about what it would be like if Belle was there.  
What it would be like to see Belle come stumbling into the kitchen still partially asleep, kiss their daughter on the forehead and wait for him to pour her tea. To catch her smiling at him out of the corner of his eye because he still remembers how she takes her tea; a spoon of honey and a dash of milk. 

That was all he wanted in that moment; that domesticity that he and his beloved Belle had for such a short time…such a short time before he brought it all crashing down. 

The spoon he had been using to scoop sugar into Jane’s coffee clattered into the mug as he suppressed a broken sound from escaping his throat. He needed to get out of the room before he broke down for the third time that morning.  

“Here’s your coffee. I’m going to shower and then we’ll talk about what we’re doing,” he said, thankful that Jane was still too tired to notice his quickly deteriorating emotional state.  
  
Avoiding the view of himself in the mirror, he quickly undressed, not letting himself cry until he was safely under the scalding stream of water. 

Rumple didn’t think he’d cried as much as he had in the past 12 hours since the first few days of being banished. 

He hadn’t been able to stop then; everything hurt. His ankle had seared with pain, his knees ached, his throat and eyes burned from his endless sobs, and worst of all his chest ached with the loss of the only good thing left in his life. 

Some people would argue that a broken heart is not a physical pain. Those people haven’t experienced true heartbreak.   
Heartbreak was the most agonizing pain Rumplestiltskin had ever felt. It’s a pain that had been with him so consistently throughout his long life that the dull ache in his chest had become a familiar weight on his soul; a weight that had lifted when he fell in love with Belle, and returned in full force when he betrayed her so fully that she, the most forgiving human being he had ever known, couldn’t forgive him. It had dulled over time, just like it had after he lost Bae the first time. It faded to a faint and constant reminder of his mistakes. And then the moment Jane had said his name, the ache deepened and spread, and hadn’t dulled since.  
   
He sunk down under the beating spray of water and let it wash away his tears until they slowed, and still he sat with his knees to his chest, hoping the burn of scalding water would distract from the pain in his heart. But nothing could stop him from thinking about Belle. 

Granted, he was still almost always thinking of Belle in some way or another, however small. But now he couldn’t stop looking back on how happy they were, how blissfully oblivious to the pain awaiting them in their near future. 

He kept coming back to one memory in particular. It wasn’t an important event or a memorable date, but for some reason it stuck. 

It had only been a week after the wedding and they were doing the dishes for the first time as a married couple, which Belle was positively giddy about. Half the dishes were chipped, their shirts were soaked, and he had been in a ridiculously playful mood, so for some unknown reason, he had decided pouring a glass of water on his wife’s head would be a good idea. Of course, it was a wonderful idea. Because she picked up a pot of water and sloshed the whole thing over his front. That led to him throwing her over his shoulder, and holding her wiggling form under the freezing spray of the shower while she shrieked and giggled uncontrollably. 

They had made love that night, just like every other night, except this time they were soaked in freezing soapy water. They had fallen into bed fully clothed, effectively ruining a perfectly good set of silk sheets, and slowly but surely removed each item of cold wet clothing, giving chaste kisses on each newly exposed section of skin. Their noses had bumped when they both went left for a kiss, causing Belle to burst into a fit of giggles that could only be remedied by Rumple gently catching her lip between his teeth and slowly thrusting into her, replacing her giggles with gasps.  
Then something had come over her, a mischievous glint in her eye that told him she had a plan. And before he could think what on earth that plan was, her fingertips were pressing into either side of his ribs and she was _tickling him_. He wasn’t sure what she intended to happen, since she was in fact, tickling him during sex, but he had snorted out a laugh and started wiggling under her fingertips, causing him to thrust awkwardly into her, eliciting little gasps from them both in-between giggles.  
It hadn’t been slow or sensual or even romantic, but it was one of his favorite memories, because they were happy. They were so, so happy; happy and in love.

Two things that they haven’t been in so long. 

  
Reluctantly, Rumple removed himself the shower, dressing in a clean blue dress shirt and black pants, piece by piece adding another layer of his armor against the world. First belt, then tie, then waistcoat, then jacket, until he was fully armored and ready for the battle that was living in this world.

To his surprise he found Jane already dressed and fully alert, sitting at the kitchen counter when he came back. 

“I made eggs since that’s the only thing you had in your fridge. I hope you don’t mind,” she said, forking a piece of scrambled egg into her mouth. 

She certainly knew how to make herself at home, and he inwardly smirked at that fact. “No, no it’s no problem at all. Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t ask if you were hungry, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he apologized as he emptied the remaining eggs into a bowl   

“It’s fine. Really, I know how to make myself breakfast,” she replied with a smile, “And you can just make it up to me when we get back to Storybrooke. You can make me your famous pancakes.” She looked almost giddy about the idea. 

“Well I don’t know if I’d call them famous, but Belle always seemed to love them.” He smiled at the memory of waking his wife up with breakfast in bed; chocolate chip pancakes always were a hit. “I really only made those a few times…of course, she would remember.” His smile softened. Not only did Belle remember those little, seemingly meaningless things, she found them important enough to tell their daughter. 

“I told you she tells me everything. Even the little things like that. Actually, especially the little things,” she said as she deposited her plate in the sink. “I think the little moments are important though, don’t you think? Life is made up of moments like that.” 

“You’re very wise for your age you know,” he replied, smirking. 

“Well, yeah. But that was a line from The Vow, so I’m not gonna take credit for that one.” 

“The Vow? Did someone get married?" Rumple asked, leaning against the counter to eat his eggs. "Was it Miss Swan? She did seem smitten with that pirate,”

“Uhm. No. The Vow is a movie about this couple and there’s a car crash and- you know what it doesn’t really matter,” she said, furrowing her brow. “And Emma definitely didn’t marry Killian.”   

He thought he heard her chuckle and murmur something along the lines of “You’re in for a surprise”, but that may have just been his imagination. 

“Anyway, how are we getting to Storybrooke? Do you have a car?” Jane asked.

“Actually, no, but that’s what I was doing before you woke up. I think I might have enough money stashed away to buy a used car. Used meaning, very, very used,” Rumple replied, stabbing a piece of egg with his fork and examining it before putting it in his mouth.  

“We could just take the bus you know. That’s how I got here,” Jane said with raised eyebrows, as if buying a car was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. 

“Yes, and I’m guessing you had to walk at least a few miles from Storybrooke to the nearest bus stop.”  Pointing to his ankle he continued, “Walking that far isn’t exactly an option for me.” 

Jane sighed and chewed her lip “Okay. So we have to buy a car, but where are we going to find one?”

“Ah, you underestimate me.” Rumple smirked, placing his half eaten bowl of eggs in the sink and going to retrieve a newspaper from the couch. “I already found one,” he said, holding the newspaper out to Jane and pointing to a highlighted section.

She knit her brow and quickly read the highlighted text.

 **Silver ’91 Ford Escort for sale. Automatic, two door (only driver’s side door is fully functional).  Runs good most of the time. Asking $800.**

Jane’s brow creased further and looked up at Rumple. “This is the worst ad I’ve ever read. ‘Runs good MOST of the time?’ What does that even mean?”

“I agree, but we need a car and that’s the only one I could find that will leave us with money for enough gas to actually get to Storybrooke,” Rumple sighed. He leaned heavily on his cane.

“What good is gas going to do if the car doesn’t work?” Jane said, raising her eyebrows. Rumple only continued to stare blankly at her until she sighed and lowered her brows and stopped staring so intensely at him. “Okay. This is our only option, I get it. But I don’t have to like it.” She blew out her cheeks in defeat, throwing the newspaper back to the couch.  
“Good, then we’re in agreement.” Rumple straightened and smirked down at his daughter “Get your coat m'dear, we have a car to buy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason this chapter is a bit harsh on Belle is because a lot of it was in her POV, and she's very hard on herself about the whole situation, from banishing Rumple, to keeping Jane from him. Hopefully that came across well and I wasn't *too* hard on her.  
> Let me know with a comment!  
> (Also, HUGE thanks to rockyfangirl on tumblr for being my amazing beta. ILYSM!)


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